Karma killer

I've never known where I stand on Karma. It's a deliciously appealing balanced theory of one act complementing or corresponding in some way to another, and as humans we do desperately strive to rebel against and ignore the fear that everything might simply just happen for no reason at all. A world without reason scares us, and so it should. Because rules and reasons make everyone a lot less jittery.

So I'll buy into it, temporarily at least, and relay how I think Karma has punished me recently.

YING: Wednesday evening last week I used a cheat code found on the internet to help me complete Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars on my DS. (Yes, I am definitely too old for computer games, before you ask)

YANG: BAM. 24 hours later Michael Jackson is dead.

Turns out, God didn't like me being a computer game cheat. So he killed Michael Jackson to punish me. Shizlak.

Most people would say that's not how Karma works, and that the two acts must complement each other's severity, and that me cheating on a game wouldn't result in Michael Jackson dying. Maybe Cher, or Billy Zane or someone, but not Jacko.

But then that's just humans making up even more irrational rules about something which they already made up. You can't just go around making up rules and then making up some terms and conditions which govern said rules. You're not Gordon Brown you know? (If, by chance, you are Gordon Brown then this jibe obviously doesn't apply. Sorry Gordon.)

Anyway if I'm going to buy into this Karma craze, I want dramatic results.

I don't want 'I forgot to thank the postman so my bus was three minutes late'.

I want 'I didn't offer everyone in the room a cup of tea so Carol Vorderman exploded live on Countdown'.

Or 'I ignored my Mother's phone call so democracy collapsed in Canada, masses rioted and it was renamed The People's Maple Leaf Republic under the rule of King Bryan Adams'.

I couldn't hack it with depleted body armour and shitty pistols, so I cheated myself a flamethrower to scorch any little pixelated Triads who got in my way on the final mission. Thus, the King of Pop left for a better place (for you and for me and the entire human race....cheap joke). That's what happened.

MJ: Killed by Karma....


Sorry pop fans.